Ok, just wanna note down some of my thoughts and feelings.. Duno for what reason at all, I just feel that I should do this.

Maybe many of you guys had not known that I actually in a state of depression since some time ago.. I didn’t know realised it myself until recently when my case got worst. Blogging perhaps gave me the greatest privilege to express myself and my thoughts, and it helped me a lot in developing my emotions and thinking, enable me to straighten my thoughts. I think the problem with me is, I no longer have confidence in anything, anyone, not even in my ownself... Everything I knew, is what it used to be.. I’m so not being myself and had closed up and built walls of defence. All I want is to prove myself and make myself feel good, I no longer have security on anything, or person. I had lost passion, love for things and people ard me, maybe many of you had realised that already, I’m cold and so closed up. I need to open up but then, I duno what to do... I realised one thing I know best, something bad, I had learnt how to hardened my heart and having no keys to open it up again.. I can’t feel the presence of God anymore; I can no longer feel the touch of His unfailing love and mercy over my life. I’m totally a love-less person.

One thing I need to learn now,

To leave my past and look forward to my future..

What a sad truth, what a great joke for me

I knew God is around me, but I had lost the ability to feel His presence. I know He loves me, But I have no courage to even love myself. I loved God but I won’t allow Him to enter my Heart.. I’m such a fool, failing in everything I do.

All I need is someone or a grp of people who can stay by me, sharing my pains and suffering and bring comfort to me, to encourage me, to love and care for me. I might be closed up, but I urge you guys to help me open up once again. For now, I need people who want to make a difference in my life. I want to open up, and I need you guys to help me.. Please dun give up on me, not just say, “I can do nothing but give you to God”. God put you in my life for a reason, do something for me.. I will repay you with my life, and that’s the only thing I have in life. Faith and no actions is dead, have faith in me, and do something, you might not know what little of you can become my source of hope and strength to come out of my depression.