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I'm just a dumbass whom just realise a whole of shit of my life..

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Hmmm.. Spent 2 whole days, thinking through what's going on with my life.. Was a real bad time finding all the negative parts of my life.. hmmm.. Trying to be a critic of oneself is hard, everyone think he/she is perfect in all their ways, but in the end, they are just some dumbass decieving themself.. Who don't like people praising them, and celebrates them like a superstar or someone great in life? But who's really willing to just stop a moment and confront their own weaknesses?

I need warn you here, if you don't wish to read some negative truths of mine, I hope you can just click on the top right hand corner's, the red X there.. And it'll save you from some displeasures! thanks alot! =)

I hope all these are not too late, the realization of the truth, the truth of my own life..
Yes, I had changed a lot recent, for better, for worst.. I had became more confident, but more Egoistic.. Doing more things but yet achieving nothing, being more busy but yet my health is totally in a mess! How great is my life huh? To be frank, i hated myself for being the way I am.. I had lead a life all this while, with my real self hiddened from everyone yet I'm always complaining that none understands me, what a joke isn't it? I wish I can change for the better, but it seems that I'm getting worst instead.. I'm getting further and further from people, althou I'm being there with the people, but yet not belonging there.. I seems not to identify with anyone now except my own self, this is why unknowingly, my Ego had grown so much.. The more I separate myself from the world, from people around me, the more my Ego had build up and destroyed me..

I had seems to lose all my trust in people, those disappointments, those hurts and sorrows are all tormenting me daily.. Yet, no one seems to care.. So what I can do what I can do? So what I can love as much as I love? It seems to come to nothing at all.. None are willing to listen to me, am I so full of rubbish or wad? My insecurity, my discomfort are killing me on the inside, I have no one, but God to trust.. But yet, none understand, but yet continuing to add to the huge pile of hurts and sorrow i have.. Teach me how to have Joy? Teach me how to happy if you can?

Call me sensitive, call me emotional, that's just me.. Accept it! I'll never be perfect, never be the one you want me to be.. I had enough living under such pressures and high standard of life.. I just won't be able to reach your expectation.. I'm not being negative here now.. I just want to be honest with myself, this is what I'm really feeling.. This is what I need to face, this is what I need to change you get it?

I hope that I can see a positive change in future.. And Father, I need to come back to the place where I can rely and trust in You for everything, as I know if everyone is against me, I know You will still be there for me! You said in Your Word, that "You will never leave me nor forsaken me" "and to the faithful, You will show Yourself Faithful".. I need You now, I really need You.. I don't care what I can do, what I can't do.. If I have to give up everything to have You again, I will..

This is the reason if you wanna know why I had been a Christian for so long while so many had long backslided.. It's because of this Love that I had found, the reason for me to live on from the past.. My strength in the midst of weakness.. My Hope in the midst of despair.. Without Him, I might had long gone from this Earth..

"Let the joy of the Lord, be my strength....."

Journey through this phase of my life @ |{9:39 PM|
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The guy

About Me

  • Kef aka Jia Jun aka JJ
  • 20 yrs old
  • 10/03/89
  • 3rd year RP student, Dip in Sports and Leisure Management



Likes

FAVES...
Chill out with friends
Spending quality time with myself
Reading self-help books
Enjoy music
Fashion


Desires?

Wishing List..
A for FYP
RU's biz to grow
Iphone
Mac Book
Good Camera
More Clothings
More friends
Girl of my heart =P

Tagboard
Friends

[[ W368 & W447 ]]

[x]CG Blog
[x]Jason Jiang
[x]Ying hua
[x]Li Xian
[x]Hui Xian
[x]Yi Qin
[x]Jeryee
[x]Yuen Leng


[[ Secondary Buddies ]]

[x]Chin Yang
[x]Chin Seng
[x]Shi Yun
[x]Ellen
[x]Nigel
[x]Yu Xuan
[x]Jia Qi
[x]Joen


[[ RP dudes and Babes ]]

[x]Jessica

Music
Reflection
Beautiful Memories
Credits

Designer| Blogger| Blogskins

Contact Me

kef_harvester@hotmail.com [FB/MSN/twitter]