These days, as I reflected on myself.. Almost again, I got back to depression.. I really wonder why am I so emotional?? I really dislike this trait of mine, it’s causing alot of problems for me.. Having some problems at home, I’m tormented on the inside.. I felt like this isn’t home anymore, everyone is like so cold so harsh.. I don’t feel love at all not in the past, not at now, I felt like a useless bum doing nothing at all.. What can I do? I’m just a poly student, with so much commitments.. Tell me what can I do? I want to work, but I got so many things to do? What’s the point of having success at the outside world and my inner world, which is my family is collapsing.. Sometimes, I really feel like walking out of the family, not that I cannot accept them, but I need my space, I need a breathing space.. I can’t do much at home with so many eyes on me, no space to play the guitar to worship, no space to even pray.. I’m so weary, I’m so tired of this struggle..
But why did I still sustain on? Only one reason, it’s because for my God. I trust in Him, I trust Him that one day I will have my breakthrough!! I want to be successful, I want to earn lots of money to give my family a good life.. I’ll be trying to start my business soon, I pray that It’ll be a tremendous success.. I hope I can start small and turn into a exportation company.. I want to do business with the world, not restricted in Singapore market.
It’s time to get back to my feet and get myself ready for a time of breakthrough. Youth Camp is just 2 days away! Although I’m going to be super busy this coming youth Camp.. I’m very very excited!! This is really the time where I can apply the things I learnt from the leadership camp, plus God into the equation, things are going to be explosive!!! I believe that lives will be changed, they will encounter God like never before.. I’m going to be power giver, releaser, and oasis carrier!! God help me to be sharp and be sensitive to their needs.. I’ll be praying, worshipping these days.. just to get myself back to focus and back to the presence of God..